As I’m writing this, I’m currently sat on an EasyJet flight on my own with…No Children.
Its something that is completely new to me, not once in the last 12 years have I flown on my own or even been away without having at least one child with me.
And oh my the mum guilt is setting in, big time!
Going away on my own and having a “break” or “time to myself” is something I’ve wanted to do for a while now and the children are more than happy staying with their dad but at 5.30 this morning as I was sipping my tea and getting ready for my travels the guilt set in and the tears were real as I suddenly came to the realisation that I was leaving my babies for a whole week and how are they going to survive without me.
All the boys were awake as I was leaving the house to head to the airport which I’m not to sure if it was a good thing or not, don’t get me wrong it was nice to give each of them a kiss and tell them how much I love them but so hard at the same time.
The worst part of it all though was closing the front door behind me hearing my 18 month old screaming on the other side of the door, not that he was crying for me in a sense it was more because he wanted to leave the house also but nethertheless it tore at my heart.
Even writing this I’m trying to hold back the tears as I didn’t pack tissues in my carry on and I don’t want to be walking up the isle of the plane a blubbering mess.
So at the moment I’ll keep on telling myself it’s only for a week and not even that as It’s Wednesday and I fly back on Wednesday evening so technically it’s only 6 days and I know the boys are going to have a great time with their dad, something that they have never done either as I’ve always been there.
Paul is a great dad to the boys so I have no worries there, I suppose it’s just a mum thing or just a “me” thing; I must admit I do find it hard to let go and like to be in control of things especially when it comes to the boys however I’m not a decision maker as I’m an over thinker which is why Paul is the decision maker and pushed me to take this opportunity to go away by myself.
Just walking through the airport I felt somewhat at a loss not knowing what to do with myself, my hands felt empty as I didn’t have to try and keep everyone together and make multiple toilet trips, it was definitely a strange feeling.
So although I’m nervous I’m also very excited; I’m excited to be meeting up with friends I haven’t seen in years and being able to have a coffee without worrying about toilet trips and keeping little ones occupied. To be able to see family and have a flowing conversation without having to stop mid conversation to answer 101 questions from a small child. I’m also meeting up with a friend I haven’t seen in over 10 years for a 2 day trip to London, we are watching a show and doing a few touristy things as well as having a good old catch up as she is a mum also, so after 10 years we have a lot to catch up on.
But currently I’m suffering with the worst mum guilt I’ve ever experienced!
Please tell me I’m not the only one and other mum’s get this guilt when going away.